The End of the Beginning
by Saphirableu
Summary: X/A. Ares says he loves Xena. Is it the end of a relationship or the beginning of a new one?
1. Beginning of the End

The End of the Beginning

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Ares, Xena, Gabrielle, and Joxer belong to the syndicated television series Xena Warrior Princess.   
**Violence:** No.  
**Sex:** No.  
**Language:** A few scattered minor words.  
**Summary:** Ares says he loves Xena. Is it the end of a relationship or the beginning of a new one?

**~~~~~ The End of the Beginning ~~~~~**

Fierce triumph gleamed from his eyes as he raised his lips from hers. She opened her eyes — despair and defeat rapidly replaced by anger. His smile faded and his eyes settled into a more somber hue as he realized the battle was yet to come. So tired of the battles! Yet another seemed unavoidable. Bitterness clouded the brown depths as the realization fully hit him. "She is _mine_! Why won't she surrender to destiny? Why can't she?" From somewhere in the back of his mind came the traitorously whispered answer — "Because she doesn't surrender. You taught her that — reinforced it lesson after lesson. Never surrender — even unto the God of War himself."

His arms dropped from around her and he stepped back. Troubled brown eyes and turbulent blue ones locked as tempers rose. 

"Damn him!" she thought in angry desperation. A flood of sensuous memories raged through her as she fought to regain control over herself and beat back the thoughts lurking in her conscience. Memories better left buried. Thoughts she shouldn't have. 

Clashing confusions surged between them rendering a silence thick enough to cut.

"You _know_ I love you! You believe. You _know_." spilled hoarsely from his lips.

"And I _don't_ love you!" she ground out. "How can you love me? And why now? Why couldn't you love me when I needed you to love me? It's a trick — War can't love anything but its own devastation."

"Because the God of War couldn't love — not then. It was something that had to be learned."

"You said it was weakness to love. I buried my love; strangled it and locked it away where it couldn't hurt me." She turned her head and he could no longer see her eyes. "— where you couldn't hurt me," she whispered so low he nearly missed it.

"Xena...." He stepped forward again; his arms rose to enfold the dark haired beauty.

"Don't. _Don't_!" the whispered scream escaped as her head snapped around and she stepped back.

"You're... afraid?!" His brown eyes widened incredulously as they searched her ice blue ones. Xena? Afraid? The words didn't seem to go together; and yet — 

Her mouth opened as her mind raced. She forced a laugh. "Afraid? Afraid of what? You? I don't think so." She turned her back and stepped a few paces away from him as much in restless energy as the need to move away from his proximity.

He listened — he heard. He heard the pain; the ragged desperate battle in herself as she believed and did not want to — too much blood under the bridge; too long guarding her heart against him. He sighed mentally and felt his own heart drop a notch with the realization. The tricks he had played to get her back. The times he hadn't been there to hold her. The times he had left her in pain, doubt and anger. Anger fled his continence though the frustration remained to be clouded with pity — pity for her, for him, for this situation for which there seemed to be no solution. "Damn it! — There has got to be a way!" he thought. Suddenly another thought dawned and his rage flared once more. He strode forward; his hand caught her arm and snatched her around to face him.

"You can't do this — I won't allow it," he growled.

She jerked her arm but his hold was tight. The northern lands were not colder than her voice as she flung her next words at him; "You won't allow? I do any thing I please. You, of all people, should know that by now."

"And you need to remember that I am not 'people'. You can't just avoid me, Xena."

Her mouth tightened and her eyes narrowed. How could he know?

His mouth jerked in a bitter smile. "But you will try. Yes, you _will_ try. Do you think it will change things? You can lie — you can tell yourself you don't love me — you can tell me you don't love me; but your eyes give you away. Maybe I've been reading you too long, Xena. It doesn't matter. And it doesn't matter what shape you are in or where you are — I _will_ find you.... And I won't stop coming until you can look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me; that you don't need me." He took a step back and vanished in an angry blue flash. 

She stared at the spot where he had been and heaved a sigh from the depths of her soul. "I can't. I just can't," she whispered. She turned abruptly and walked away.

  


*********

  


Unnoticed, unseen in my invisibility, my shoulders sagged in defeat once more. Such painful lies. "But Xena," I whispered, "How can you not?"

  


*********

  


The camp was still and peaceful in the early dawn hours. Gabrielle still slept — a small smile on her face at the dream still with her. Joxer stirred and looked up to find the Warrior Princess smiling down at him. There was something about that smile — distracted, amused, sad, welcoming, and keeping him at a distance all at the same time. A small frown flickered briefly between his brows as he wondered what that was all about. He looked over at the petite blond bard still sleeping and let the troubled feeling wash from him with the look on her face. He got up and nodded a good morning to Xena, running a hand through his tousled hair as he stretched to let the morning air wake his tall wirey body. After a moment he knelt and rolled his blanket quickly to set it aside for the breaking of camp, then he rose and strode toward the stream.

Xena watched him thoughtfully for a moment then knelt beside the sleeping bard. "Hey," she said as she touched her arm, "time to get up." The bard groaned. "Already?" "Already," Xena chuckled. Gabrielle was not overly inclined to be generous toward mornings no matter what her beliefs toward people were. Gabrielle sat up, stretched and looked around her. "Where's Joxer?"

"He went towards the stream."

"Oh." She got up, flipped her blankets into a roll and reached for a pot. "You already got water."

"Yep," Xena winked with a grin, "For once I was thinking." The bard grinned back at her as she stirred the embers of last night's fire to flames once more.

Argo's head came up as Xena approached her with soft words of greeting. She nuzzled her mistress as though sensing the troubled spirit that Xena hid from the others. She pressed her soft muzzle to Xena's chest in the only form of hug she could give to the woman. Xena smiled as her fingers arranged Argo's forelock then stretched her arms for a brief hug of the mare. She stepped back, caught up a brush and moved to begin the strokes that would polish the already glistening golden coat. As she worked, her thoughts returned to Ares and the morning's encounter and a frown of concentration settled in her brows. She sighed heavily causing Argo to look around. "Nothing that concerns you girl," Xena grinned up at the mare as she patted her neck. Looking over her shoulder, she saw that Gabrielle had left camp for the moment and Joxer wasn't back yet. 

Her gaze moved to the temple roof that could be seen over the trees. Demeter's temple — Goddess of the Earth, Agriculture, Fertility and Grain, whose daughter had fallen in love with Hades after he had kidnapped her and now spent 6 months of every year with each of the ones who loved her. Fall marked the time of Persephone's decent to stay with Hades for his six months — spring marked the time of her return to be with her mother. Not the most envied way of living a relationship, but the best that could be managed, Xena thought as she strolled toward the temple.

She stood for a moment in front of the temple. Hercules. Hercules was the one that had worked out the deal between the two gods that fought for Persephone. Hercules — the one who had unchained her heart and shown her that she could change her life. The first to believe in her when she had so much blood on her hands that it could never be washed away and her heart woke to tell her she just couldn't follow the conqueror path any more. Hercules — who had grown to love her in the brief time they had before she followed her own path — the half-brother of Ares.... she pushed the thought away.

Hercules... his father, the mighty Zeus of Olympus fell for mortal women on a semi-regular basis. Those he wanted, he took; going to extremes at times to cover up his indiscretions. Hera often tortured the object of his attentions in her frustration at not being able to take her anger out on the husband who was amused at her jealousy. Xena had a suspicion that Zeus enjoyed whipping up the passions of the Queen of the Gods as much as the intrigue of the associations. Not that Xena could really blame the goddess — she knew that she wouldn't be in the least pleased if the man she loved and married was cheating on her.

Then there were Athena, Artemis, Aphrodite.... married to Hephaestus. Who would have thought the beautiful, vain of her good looks Aphrodite would fall for someone as dark and worn looking as he? And yet the Goddess of Love fell and fell hard for the not-so-good-looking God of the Fire and Forge joining art and love forever. Aphrodite's son Cupid fell in love with a mortal woman — Psyche. Their story of romance and final union was the stuff of legends. A mortal woman who married a god. Which brought her back to... Ares, God of War — who claimed to love a mortal woman. She sighed heavily.

Everyone has a weakness; the God of War was hers. When he looked at her — when she looked deep into his brown eyes — she thought she would drown in the promises hidden there. And yet, what were they promises of? Conquest? Blood? Less? More? What did Ares want of her? What was she prepared to give? He said he loved her.... She had locked that door somewhere in her heart many years ago and vowed never to reopen it. She was in danger of forgetting that promise; all because he said he loved her. All it took was for him to whisper, "I love you," or lower his lips to hers and she was lost in a timeless struggle to save herself from from giving in to him and becoming everything he ever wanted her to be. Just the memory of his simplest touch sent a delicious surge racing through her. How much did he know of the temptations that tore her heart every time he appeared? Had she ever really locked it if she could feel them?

Her reverie broke off as she heard the slightest of rustlings; her name was called and she turned to see Gabrielle walking briskly toward her. 

"What are you doing here?" Gabrielle asked in puzzled bemusement. "Thinking of becoming a follower of Demeter?" The bard grinned. "I don't know, Xena.... maybe you're losin' it."

Xena found herself grinning back at her other weakness. It was a welcome break from the musings that after all seemed to have no particular point to them. She shook her head. "No... I don't think so just yet," she drawled with humor.

"Are you ready to go? I've got everything packed."

"Yeah. Is Joxer ready?"

"Yeah — he's waiting by the horses." The women turned and began walking back toward camp before Gabrielle realized that Xena hadn't answered her question. "What were you doing at Demeter's temple anyway?" she asked.

Xena thought for a moment then shrugged. "I really don't quite know. I just kind of wandered over to have a look before I realized where I was headed."

"Oh." Xena could hear the puzzled questions behind the single word but she really had no more information to offer.

  


*********

  


Birds flew with light-hearted abandon in the glory of the spring morning. The horses plodded contentedly in the warming sun. Gabrielle chattered about the story she had been dreaming when Xena woke her that morning, not noticing the warrior's distraction as she answered the monolog with appropriately timed nods and exclamations.

"And then the God of War kissed her and she was bound to him for all eternity as his Chosen!"

Xena's head snapped around, "What?"

"I thought you were listening, Xena! Ares fell in love and bound his Chosen to him with a kiss!" she said in exasperation.

Xena frowned. "Gabrielle, you don't know the first thing about gods and their chosens. That's not how they bind their chosen and.... War can't love and therefore he wouldn't have a chosen — the whole idea is ludicrous."

"Yes I do! The gods choose one mortal that means more to them than life itself and bind them to them. The stories are as old as time! Even the God of War can have a Chosen — and does have one. Though I must admit," the bard said thoughtfully, "it does seem rather ironic. But many a battle has been fought for love, so why not?" She shrugged grinning.

"And who is this paragon that Ares chose for his?" Xena sneered.

"I don't know. I just remember that he took one years ago."

"Gabrielle — you don't know what you're talking about!" Xena growled as she halted Argo abruptly.

The others stopped with her. "Oh?" the bard gave Xena a superior smile. "It's written in the histories of the gods set down by Pillos himself! I _know_ what I'm talking about Xena."

The dark haired warrior swallowed hard and prodded Argo forward once more. "No. You don't." she said flatly.

"And how would you know? You have some inside knowledge that the scroll writers are unaware of?"

The blue eyes flashed. "I might."

"And that would be?"

Xena looked around at the bard and crushed her unreasonably rising anger with a will of iron. "Nothing Gabrielle. I don't know anything." She faced forward again. "I'm going to scout ahead," she said as she touched her heels to Argo.

"What do you suppose has gotten into her?" a slack jawed Gabrielle asked Joxer. "I've spent my life learning the stories. She knows that."

Joxer looked thoughtfully after the departing warrior's back. "I don't know, Gabby. I just don't know."

  


*********

  


"You'll find out one of these days, Gabrielle. You'll find out." I smiled sadly as I closed the portal. 

"Xena.... what the bard said is true — and you know it."

  


*********

  


She had forgotten about the stories. Ares would never have had a Chosen by the rules set down in them though. No — surely not. Had he not been the one to tell her that love had no place in war or a warrior's heart? Didn't he belittle the warriors that went home when the longing for their families and sweethearts grew too much to bear? 

War can't love. 

She galloped on, willing the wind to push the thoughts out of her head, through the dark waving mane, and onto the road behind her.

  


*********

  


When Joxer and Gabrielle caught up to Xena a few hours later, she was relaxing from the vigorous ride in a pleasant glade with cheese and bread laid out beside her. Argo grazed a short way off, welcoming the cooling breeze after the workout. 

Gabrielle dismounted and approached the warrior uncertainly. "Hi."

"Hi. Thought we could use some lunch."

Joxer was already at Xena's side helping himself to bread and cheese. He glanced at her but as she raised her eyes to his he shifted his gaze quickly to stare out over the glade. He sensed the troubled spirit but it wasn't his place to ask. And yet.... He glanced back down to find her still looking up at him. "If I happen to get the opportunity, maybe," he thought. His eyes held hers for a suspended moment before she looked at Gabrielle. Confusion? Did he see confusion in her eyes? He mentally shrugged his shoulders. Nothing he could question now — not that he was certain he would have the nerve to question her anyway. But there was something... some... kinship there. Kinship? What kind of kinship would he have with Xena, Warrior Princess?

  


*********

  



	2. Secrets

The End of the Beginning   


*********

  


The sun blazed a final goodbye as it retreated for the day and they rode into a fair sized village. Finding the local hostelry, they dismounted, made arrangements for the horses, and got directions to the tavern. The tavern bustled with the early evening crowd relaxing after a long day's work and they blended in with an order to the passing barmaid. Moments later they were sipping ale as they awaited their food and information on the availability of rooms for the night.

"Three dinars each for the meals and ale. We have 3 rooms - 6 dinars each for those," quipped the serving girl as she set hot food in front of the weary travelers. Gabrielle counted out the necessary coinage.

The table was silent as they ate with half an eye turned toward the room in general and half an ear tuned for the conversations that flowed around them. The villagers were generally cheerful but not rowdy and the main topic of conversation seemed to be the weather and the chances for the harvest this year until one man spoke a little louder than the rest. 

"I heard that Ares and his bitch Xena are going to try to take Corinth again. Can't imagine why they would want to do that. The last time they tried that it came to a stalemate. But I'll not fight this time." He looked at his audience and spat on the floor as though daring anyone to say anything. "It's planting time and I'm needed at home if we're to have a harvest this fall."

Gabrielle turned startled eyes to Xena who simply looked at her and shrugged her shoulders. Joxer studied what was left of his dinner closely.

"I remember her - the Warrior Princess. Warrior Whore is more like it. Had Ares panting after her like a bitch in heat!" another man laughed.

"I heard a while back that she left him and took to riding around the country with a little blonde girlie and doing good deeds but I don't believe a word of it," said another.

Gabrielle began to rise angrily to her feet at these slurs on her friend but Xena caught her arm and pulled her back down with a frown.

The tavern door opened and several hard-bitten warriors walked in. They looked around the room then approached a table full of men. "We want this table," one of the men grinned down at the nervous villagers. The villagers got up and moved to another table.

The warriors sat down and the serving girl hurried over to take their order. The men were joking with each other as they gave the order for ale. "And a little entertainment!" one roared with laughter as he clapped his hand over the girl's back end. She shrieked and ran to the bar as a nervousness spread to the rest of the patrons. The tavern keeper brought the ale to their table himself. He wrapped his hands in the apron tied to his front and waited for their attention. "That'll be 10 dinars," he said, twisting his hands tighter into the apron. The warriors laughed and one pushed him away as Gabrielle felt Xena shift beside her. The tavern keeper stepped back toward them and one warrior rose with his thumbs in his belt. "You owe 10 dinars for the ale," the tavern keeper whined. The warrior laughed and opened his mouth to retort.

"Pay the nice man, Varaegus. You can afford 10 dinars," smirked a silky voice.

The warrior's eyes flicked over the tavern keeper's shoulder and widened. Xena stood there, arms folded and a small tight smile on her face that did not reach her eyes. His mouth snapped shut as he quickly paid the tavern keeper his money and sat back down. 

The warriors were suddenly subdued and kept one eye trained in her direction as their heads came together to talk low at their table. Whispers rippled through the rest of the room as all heads followed the woman warrior's moves. She sat down at the table and ran her gaze around the room catching several gaping before they turned their flustered faces elsewhere. They studied the table tops, admired the wooden supports of the roof, and hollered at the tavern keeper for more ale - anything, anywhere but look at the warrior princess they had so recently been discussing in their midst.

All seemed quiet when the warriors departed perhaps an hour later. The villagers had trickled out of the tavern soon after the confrontation. Xena smiled as she looked around the now almost empty room. "Better get some shut eye. We need to be back on the road tomorrow," she said.

"Xena… you don't think…" Gabrielle began uncertainly.

"No." Xena shrugged. "I don't think they're going to cause any more trouble. I suspect they'll be moving on," she assured the woman.

Joxer got up and stretched weary muscles. "I'm ready to turn in."

"Let's go Gabrielle." Xena stood up, motioned the serving girl over, and asked her to show them to their rooms. They followed her up the stairs and told each other goodnight as they closed their respective doors behind them.

Xena relaxed at the window as she gazed at the night stars. She sat down and began to sharpen her sword as she waited for Gabrielle and Joxer to settle down to sleep. "Had Ares panting after her like a bitch in heat!" the man had said. She almost chuckled but stopped short as flashes of memory hit her. Ares had been around a lot - even to the point that she had wondered more than once if he was neglecting other duties to be with her.

The long repetitious strokes were soothing and she cleared her mind by focusing on the task before her.

  


*********

  


Only the thin sliver of moon saw Xena slip down the stairs and out of the back door of the tavern. Keeping to the shadows, she stopped by the stables and checked on Argo and the other horses. She stood stroking the mare's neck distractedly for a few moments then slipped out and headed toward where she thought the men who had come into the tavern had camped. Silently she melted into the forest with the other shadows of the night.

Half an hour later she walked carefully into the camp until she reached the leader's tent. By the light of the lantern inside, she could see that 3 men sat on in conversation. She slipped close to the tent and made a small hole so that she could see them as they spoke. A tingling raced through her but she ignored it to concentrate on the men in the tent.

A hand clamped over her mouth and a thickly muscled arm encircled her waist as the tent flashed away and forest took its place. She snatched her sword out and whirled to face her abductor as she was released though she knew who it was. How else could she have been moved so easily? Ares…

"Why'd you do that?" she spat at him.

"They're moving out at first light," he grinned. "You were wasting your time."

She glared at him as she returned her sword to its sheath. "I wasn't wasting my time. Had you not interfered, I would have found that out without you."

Ares innocently spread his hands wide still grinning. "And had you just asked me, I would have told you and saved you the trip. They really didn't feel up to facing the Warrior Princess without me and when I said I wouldn't back them up, they decided that moving on was entirely the right thing to do."

"They asked you for … what? Help? Advice?"

"Actually they asked me for help…" He grinned a little wider.

She shook her head and found herself chuckling softly. These warlords had never understood their patron god and the God of War was difficult to resist when he grinned like a little boy with a new toy. She busied herself momentarily with minutely adjusting the sheath on her back. When she faced him again, the mischievous grin was gone and a yearning replaced it. Her own smile faded.

"Xena…"

"Please don't, Ares." She whispered.

He took a deep breath, pulled himself together with an effort, and smiled at her. "May I give you lift back to town?"

She considered him for a moment. Apparently he was listening to her plea - for now. She offered him her hand and he took it in his to squeeze it gently. She smiled. 

"Yes."

Another gentle squeeze of her hand and they were just outside the town. "Good night Xena; I love you…" lingered on the air as he vanished in a soft rain of blue sparkles.

  


*********

  


Xena stood where she was for a few moments absorbing the god's parting words. As the catch in her chest signaled her danger, she deliberately whipped up her anger once more. "Yeah - me _and_ my friend," she growled as she started back toward the tavern.

The town was silent in this late hour and Xena was vaguely surprised to catch a small movement near the back of the tavern. She stealthily drew the knife from her boot as a precaution and stepped out to confront the shadow there. Joxer stumbled backwards and almost fell at her sudden appearance but she caught him by the arm to balance him. "What are you doing out here? I thought you went to bed."

"I thought you did too," he grinned.

She stuck the dagger back in her boot and smiled. "Well, I wanted to… you know."

"Yeah, I know."

They sat on a bench standing next to the tavern wall and looked into the night in a companionable silence for a few moments.

"Xena…"

"Hmmm?"

"Never mind," he hung his head in embarrassment. What did he think he was doing questioning Xena Warrior Princess? Was he really that suicidal?

"What Joxer?"

"Well… I was wondering…" he stopped and took deep breath. "I was just wondering if there was something bothering you." "Not that it's any of my business or anything," he finished in a rush.

Xena's voice took on a guarded quality he knew very well. "What makes you ask that?"

"Well…" he began. He looked her in the eye - heck, he'd gotten this far; he might as well go for the rest. "I just caught a couple of strange expressions on your face today when you were looking at me. And then there was the Chosen thing with Gabrielle."

She looked away. "I gotta get a grip," she mumbled, then turned back to him. "It was nothing Joxer. I guess I was just in a rotten mood today. Sorry."

He digested this for a moment as he stared at his hand sitting on the bench beside him. "No," he shook his head.

"What?"

He took another deep breath. "I said no. That wasn't it. But you don't owe me any explanations so…" he shrugged and crossed his feet at the ankles then leaned back against the wall to look out over the yard.

Xena crossed her own ankles uncomfortably and looked down at her hands as she debated in her mind what she should say. "Joxer, I…"

"It's okay Xena," he said looking around at her. "Really."

"No, it's not. I guess when I was giving you those 'looks' today, I was thinking about you and Gabrielle."

"Me and Gabrielle?" he asked, his face a study in bemusement. "What about me and Gabrielle?"

"Remember when baby Bliss got loose and was shooting everyone with arrows? And Cupid had to come and make it right?"

"Ye - Yes," he said hesitantly, not wanting her to say too much more about that. Gabrielle had thought that he too was under the influence of the child god and he'd really rather it remain that way.

"Nothing. I was just thinking about you and Gabrielle, that's all."

"Why'd you jump all over Gabby about the Chosen thing today?" he frowned.

It was her turn to take a deep breath. "She just doesn't understand about that," she said carefully.

She had his full attention now. "What doesn't she understand?"

Xena shifted her feet and braced her arms beside her as she stared unseeing into the darkness. "_I_… am Ares' Chosen," she said softly.

Joxer was dumbfounded though he realized that he should have expected that. All those years she had spent as his favored warlord. The tales he had heard from his father back then… He too stared out into the darkness. He remembered the words that had been spoken by the villagers in the tavern that evening. "And is it a lifetime commitment?" he asked in a low voice.

"It is - though I have betrayed mine. Ares has the right to kill me for my desertion. I have to die before he can take a new Chosen."

"And do you think he will?"

"No," the answer came confidently with a heavy sigh.

They sat in silence for several minutes once more - he just beginning to see exactly what that answer meant; she pushing the implications of it to the back of her mind so she didn't have to deal with them for the present.

"I would rather you didn't tell Gabrielle about this," she said quietly.

"No. No, I won't," he said with a small smile at her. 

She studied his eyes for a moment then smiled back. "We really ought to get some sleep."

"Yeah," Joxer stood up and stretched, then extended his hand to help her up. "We really should."

  


*********

  


I considered this new development with some interest as I sat back in my throne and closed the portal; it was tantamount to actually admitting that she believed that Ares loved her. But who would have thought that Xena would allow herself to be questioned — by someone like Joxer at that — and that she would him give him an answer too? Maybe I should pay my brother a little visit and see what was happening on his end.

  


*********

  


I materialized in Ares' throne room to find him lounging carelessly on his throne, one leg hung over an arm of the thing as he leaned back against the other; his finger rubbed his chin in distracted concentration as he watched something intently in the mirror. He glanced over with a frown to see who intruded on him as his hand waved at the mirror to close whatever scene had so captured his attention.

"Hello," he said slowly, a distracted smile on his face as he glanced quickly over at the mirror then back to me. "To what do I owe this unexpected…. pleasure?"

I thought carefully before I answered, "Just thought I'd see what you were up to, bro."

His eyes refocused and all signs of distraction disappeared as he looked at me sharply.

"Aphrodite - I have _never_ had you pop in 'just to see what 'I' am up to'," he said with a hint of laughter in his eyes. "What's up?" His voice held thoughtful amusement vice suspicion. I smiled inwardly; it wasn't often I could catch the God of War a little off balance.

I scuffed a foot on the floor and acted reluctant to answer. "Did you tell the warrior babe?" 

"Yes." He frowned.

"And?" I asked warily since I knew exactly how it had gone. I didn't want an explosion, but I didn't want him to know I'd been keeping tabs on his princess or eavesdropping either.

"And… " He paused for a moment, a faraway look in his eye. "Nothing," he said. "She doesn't believe me. She says she doesn't love me."

I considered his answer since I knew full well that he didn't believe that. He knew from the way the raven haired beauty had responded to his declaration that there was something going on there for him that she was trying hard not to let him see. But if it was Xena that he had been watching in the mirror... Trying not to hope too hard, Ares? I thought. "It's not over until it's over," I mused - unfortunately I said it out loud and he fixed me with a piercing stare. Never knew brown could be such a hard color.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Oh… uh… nothing bro - I was just wondering about the outcome of all this," I said quickly. Too quickly?

"You mean that you aren't any more sure than I am right now," he sat back with a sigh that sounded as though he wasn't overly reassured to hear that I couldn't read the situation any better than he could. He was too close and I… maybe I was too close too. I had a sneaking fondness for the woman after all and her bard was my friend.

"Short of putting a spell on her or having Cupid shoot her with an arrow, I'm afraid there is just no way to be certain which way she will go at this point. And neither of us wants that. I'm sorry, Ares."

He heaved a deep sigh as he ran his hand over his face and through his neatly trimmed beard and mustache. He was tired and he didn't like being on the waiting end of something - especially something with an impact as far reaching as this. Not that I could blame him, but there was nothing I could do for him either. I sighed in turn. "We both know she's feeling… something. It's a matter of what will she choose. She's been carrying this for so long…"

"There's nothing I can do about that. I can't erase the past - I can only ask her to go forward."

"Part of this is her feeling for the bard…"

"I know," he sighed again. "Gabrielle may make me crazy, but she's opened up Xena and let her become who she is today. Oddly enough I have a debt in that respect. And to her of all people."

He waved his hand at the mirror and the sleeping warrior appeared. He watched her dully until we heard a low whimper. He sat up and leaned closer - Xena was frowning and a tear slid from her eye. "Blast Morpheus!" he growled as he closed the image and disappeared. 

I returned to my chambers on Olympus.

  


*********

  



	3. Confessions

The End of the Beginning   


*********

  


"Morpheus!" Ares roared as he appeared in the main hall of Olympus. "Morpheus!!"

"What?!" snapped the dream god, obviously perturbed at being so rudely summoned.

"Leave my Chosen alone! You _know_ the rules!"

"I haven't done anything to your Chosen - by whom I presume you mean your precious warlord Xena," he sneered. "At least, I haven't heard that you've picked a new one."

"She's not a warlord anymore," Ares mumbled automatically, sharply taken aback. Then what was bothering his princess?

"Sorry Morpheus," he said as he disappeared.

  


*********

  


I watched as Ares appeared at her side and wondered what had taken him so long. He stood regarding her for a moment then hesitantly placed his hand gently on her brow. The warrior calmed visibly at the contact and I had to smile in spite of the fear in my heart from his manner. "Oh Ares… if she finds out you're reading her dreams…" But it was a moment to keep - the Warrior Princess who spurned the attentions of a god being soothed by that same god.

His eyes flew wide and he jerked his hand away as though it burned. What could have caused such a reaction? Having no way to find out other than to ask, I immediately went to Ares' side.

  


*********

  


"What..?"

"Shhhhh…" he warned as he returned his hand to her forehead, shock, repugnance, and… self-loathing? etched sharply across his face. "Let me take care of her and I'll tell you," he whispered. 

He leaned close to whisper something in her ear that I couldn't hear and her breathing became soft and even as her face cleared to a small contented smile. "Love…" I thought with a rise of pride. Only a real love between them could make that happen the way it did. The touch of his hand and whatever he had whispered to her had done the trick. She was safe with him. Would she ever accept that? Would she ever admit it?

He straightened and let his hand gently stroke her hair as he savored the look on her face for an endless moment; he turned, nodded to me, and we left her there to meet in his throne room once more.

  


*********

  


"Even in her dreams…!" he roared as he slammed his fist against the wall. He turned and paced angrily to the far side of the room and back, head bent, arms behind his back. I stood by helplessly in the dark about what was going on. I'm not sure he even remembered I was in the room until he suddenly changed direction and nearly ran me over before I stepped out of the way. He stopped and stared at me blankly. "What can I do? Even when I've started convincing her during her waking hours, the doubts return in her dreams!" He sounded hopeless and lost. "Is it any wonder I'm having such trouble convincing her?"

"Why don't you tell me what you're talking about? What happened? What took you so long to get there?" I prompted as gently as I could. My curiosity was eating me alive and I wasn't leaving until I found out what was going on.

"Ok. Ok…" he ran impatient fingers through his black locks. "I went to Morpheus to demand that he leave Xena out of his schemes but he said that he wasn't doing anything to her. So I went to Xena. When I got there, I went in to see what she was dreaming about…" he paused, took a deep breath, and stared at the floor. "I didn't want to. No - that's not true - but I knew she wouldn't like it if I did. But with Morpheus saying that he wasn't doing anything…" He stopped again.

Obviously he didn't like what he'd found.

Ares in a moral dilemma? In any other circumstances I'd have laughed myself silly at the thought. He had always been a little shaky on the whole morality thing. I wanted him to go on but was afraid to push him. Never had I seen my brother this torn - over anything. I laid my hand on his arm in an attempt to bring him back to the room.

He lifted his head. "She was dreaming… she was dreaming of me - of us. Of me betraying her. Of me telling her I love her and she believing only to have me turn around and forcing her to live in the blood lust again." His mouth twisted in a grimace.

"What did you do to make her to stop?"

"I reseeded the dream with my feelings. I knew it would work for a moment or two at least."

"Depends on how deep seated her fear of trusting you again is."

"I KNOW that!" he turned and slammed his fist on a table. "_I_ have done this to her - I've done it to myself."

I stood there and watched the play of emotions run over his face in rapid abandon. War could love; War had developed a conscience and feelings other than the satisfaction that comes of a fair battle with a worthy opponent. Somewhere in my conscience came the thought that I had finally won our long ago argument about Love conquering War; but I pushed the thought away before it could come to my lips. It would be a mistake to gloat now - it would wait for another time. Now I needed to help him over this hopeless seeming situation.

  


*********

  


The coming of the first hints of dawn saw Xena headed out of the tavern to an isolated glen in the nearby forest. She moved gracefully through a routine of moves designed to baffle, intimidate, and overpower her foes - a dance of death so beautiful in its rehearsal that it seemed a phenomenon of nature in a woman's body. Satisfied in her performance, she sheathed her sword and headed for the stable to groom the horses for the day's travel. By the time she lead them to the front of the tavern and re-entered, Gabrielle was downstairs and in a full-blown tale of heroism to the innkeeper's wife and 2 serving girls. She shook her head, broke a piece of bread from the loaf on the table, and sat down. Joxer smiled a greeting at her less-than-amused face and stifled a laugh. Xena never cared to hear her own exploits.

The tale was done and they both listened with half an ear at the eager questions of the women and the descriptive answers of the bard. Xena rolled her eyes and wondered if they were to be released from this place any time in the near future. She excused herself to take Gabrielle's things out to the horses and returned to find a discussion of gods, their favorites, and chosens. "Is your friend really _the_ Xena Warrior Princess from the tales? Because if she is, you know that she's…"

"Gabrielle! Let's go!" Xena forced impatience to cover the mild concern that rose to hear her name mentioned in such a conversation.

"In a moment, Xena! Here, would you put this in my saddlebag please?" she asked, handing the warrior a scroll. "I'll be there in just a moment."

She reluctantly took the scroll and headed back out the door as Joxer moved closer to the bard's conversation. He wanted to forestall anything he could since Xena didn't want Gabrielle to know this other title that had been so carefully guarded from them until last night.

The young girl who had been speaking when Xena had interrupted looked back at Gabrielle with wide eyes. "She's really Xena?! You do know, of course, that she is…"

"Come on, Gabby! Xena's waiting and we have a long way to go today," begged a worried Joxer.

"I'm coming!" she flashed impatiently. "She's what, Alyssa?"

"Gabrielle…" Joxer tried again.

"The Chosen of Ares, God of War!" Alyssa finished breathlessly.

Joxer's fingers went to his temples and rubbed as though to dismiss a headache. He looked at Gabrielle's wide shocked eyes, turned on his heel, and left the room. "I tried," he thought with a sigh.

Gabrielle's mouth worked in stunned surprise. "Ah… thank you. Um… we had a most pleasant stay. We have to go now," she mumbled as she too hurried from the tavern to the horses.

The first hours of the trip were unusually quiet - Xena's scowl of discontent prohibited much conversation if nothing else. Joxer rode with his head slunk down between his shoulders, casting glances between the two women at intervals. Gabrielle's face was a study in drama and horror as she considered her story, their argument from the day before, and the words she had heard in the tavern last night. She had no idea why the idea never struck her before but it made sense. Ares stopping in to "visit", Xena's reluctance to speak of her past and the War God's role in it - and their present relationship that Gabrielle just couldn't understand no matter how hard she tried. The "favors" she did for him on occasion - the way she reacted to his closeness. But why hadn't Xena told her? Certainly forewarned is forearmed! On the other hand, why had Xena been so upset with her the day before? Surely she wasn't Ares' chosen any more?

The silence finally proved too much to bear for Gabrielle. "Why didn't you tell me? Especially yesterday instead of letting us get into an argument?"

Xena struggled with herself and the words of explanation for a moment then retreated into a stoic warrior manner. "In the first place, it's no one's business but my own, Ares, the gods who have to keep track of that kind of information, and those who need to know when I've been charged with a commission to complete for my patron. In the second, look at your reaction now that you know."

"So you were the Chosen of War."

"No. I _am_ the Chosen of War, Ares' Chosen." She felt a familiar tingle and knew that Ares rode beside her, probably having heard her speak his name he decided it was a good time to visit. Could his timing be worse? She deliberately ignored him and concentrated on Gabrielle.

"So why don't you resign or something?"

"I can't 'resign'. I have to die before he can choose another."

"Die?"

"Yes, Gabrielle," she sighed in frustrated impatience, knowing what the next question was and not really wanting to answer it - especially with Ares right beside her. "I have to be dead before he can choose another."

"So if he finds another to take your place, you would have to be already dead or he would have to kill you? Do you think he would kill you?"

"No he won't kill me. Harass me, irritate me, frustrate me - but he won't kill me," she sighed heavily.

"What makes you so sure?"

"Because I won't," came the response from the suddenly visible Ares, startling Gabrielle enough to sway on her horse, and winning an exasperated look from Xena.

"Ares…" growled Xena.

"Hello, Xena."

"Goodbye, Ares," she said pointedly.

His teeth flashed in a wide grin before he disappeared leaving her to strangle a laugh as she turned to face Gabrielle's scowl.

"Why do you let him do that?!"

"Let him do what?" Xena choked.

"He just appears and disappears as he pleases!"

Xena almost chuckled before she caught herself. "And I'm supposed to do something about that?"

"Can't you tell him to announce his presence or something?" huffed Gabrielle. Xena prudently refrained from pointing out that Gabrielle was well aware that at least one of them could feel Ares' presence.

Joxer slowed his horse behind other two before he got in trouble for laughing. It was obvious that the bard was going to be satisfied with no less than a lynching at the moment.

  


*********

  


It was late the next day before Joxer had another opportunity to speak quietly with Xena. Gabrielle's mood hadn't improved from the day before though Ares had made no further appearances, and Xena and Joxer had been careful to refrain from doing anything they knew would set the bard off. When they stopped to make camp near a secluded pond, Gabrielle had stormed off leaving the other two to set up camp. They looked at the departing blonde, then at each other and stifled their amusement. How long could Gabrielle keep up this indignant mood anyway? Surely the need to talk would overcome it soon?

The fire was soon crackling cheerfully; a skillet rested expectantly near. Xena was cleaning a pair of rabbits when the bard walked slowly back into camp. Gabrielle looked at the two sitting beside the fire and swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry…"

"It's ok, Gabrielle," said Xena without looking up. "I understand."

"Well I don't," Joxer countered. "You know a lot about Xena's past; you told the story; you said that it was entirely possible for the God of War to have a chosen, then you blow up when you find that it was Xena?" He shook his head and ignored Xena's warning frown. "I _don't_ understand."

"Joxer, I…"

"No Gabby. _ No_. I must admit that I was surprised to find out myself but mostly because I just never thought about it. There was no reason for you to go all wild like you did. So she never walked around telling everyone she was… is… Ares' chosen. Big deal." He swallowed hard and looked back down at the sword he was sharpening. Where had that outburst come from? But it was what he thought, and he wasn't taking it back - he hoped. He looked back up timidly.

Xena stared at Joxer in slack jawed surprise. After a moment, the corner of her mouth lifted in the slightest of smiles before she nodded and returned to cleaning the rabbits. She, at least, wasn't going to berate him for speaking out - it looked like perhaps she respected him for it. 

Gabrielle, on the other hand, stood staring at him as though he was a two-headed monster from one of her stories. She opened her mouth to retort and slowly closed it again. What could she say to him? He was right - she had been going to say something similar before he had started to berate her. "I was trying to apologize," she mumbled.

Silence reigned in the clearing over the next minutes. Xena finished with the rabbits and Gabrielle skewered them on sticks to roast over the fire. Joxer was polishing his armor as Xena sharpened her sword and cast vaguely curious glances at the bard now and then.

"Xena…"

"Yes?" The sharpening stone rhythm was steady and soothing.

"What did Ares mean when he said he won't kill you?"

"He meant he won't kill me."

Gabrielle rolled her eyes - Xena could be so… so _difficult_ at times! "Ok… why won't he kill you?"

The scrape of the stone never faltered. "Because he loves me."

"Oh." Gabrielle let this sink in for a moment. 

"He _what_?! I don't believe I heard you correctly," she said as Joxer fell off of his make shift log seat in surprise.

The sharpening stone stopped abruptly and icy blue eyes bored hard into wide green ones. "You heard me," responded Xena - the dangerous edge to her voice warned the bard that this was the end of the conversation.

Gabrielle looked into Xena's eyes and took the hint none too gracefully. She grabbed the rabbits from the fire to set them over the skillet then took a piece and sat back well away from the others. When she was done, she glared once more at Xena, grabbed her bedroll, spread it next to Joxer's and lay down to sleep.

Joxer had sat silent and considering all this time. So the God of War could love? And, what's more, Xena admitted that he loved her? This was not exactly the development he had been expecting, though he had not disregarded it when she had been so confident that Ares wouldn't kill her. He looked over at Gabrielle whose chest was already rising and falling in the deep even breaths of sleep. He leaned forward to rest his forearms on his legs and gazed into the dance of flames before him.

"You sound very sure he won't kill you."

"I am."

"Then you're sure he loves you."

She sighed and returned her gaze to the fire. "Yes."

"And you're not happy about it."

Xena picked up a twig that lay near her feet and picked the bark off of it absently. "I just don't know," she finally told him. She looked over at him and smiled ruefully. "He's loved me a long time - he just didn't know it. He thought that love was beneath him - that loving was weakness."

"So War can love," Joxer mused aloud. "Then why did you keep saying he couldn't?"

"Call it self-defense."

"Then you love him?"

Once more she stared into the fire for a long moment. "I just don't know, Joxer. Once I loved him; I worshipped him. I don't worship him any more but…" she paused and drew a deep breath. "I'm not sure I ever stopped loving him - no matter what I told myself," she whispered. "But there are also the issues of his past plans to get me back; I don't know if I can forgive him the way I should. Or myself."

She stretched her long legs in front of her and set her hands down beside her on the log she was sitting on. She looked at Joxer thoughtfully then gazed back at the fire.

"What's the matter?" he asked her.

"I was just asking myself why I'm telling you these things," she grinned.

He grinned back. "And did you answer yourself?"

She laughed softly. "Yes I did. I decided that it was because I thought that you might understand better than Gabrielle," she gave a nod at the sleeping bard. "You listen and keep your own council better than she does at times. You haven't judged and you haven't tried to influence me. I appreciate that."

He looked at the ground and blushed, flattered immensely that Xena would think of him in this way. "Thanks for trusting me," he said quietly.

She smiled at him. "You're welcome. Now I think I'll make some last checks. Why don't you get some sleep? I'll be joining you both soon."

"Yeah," he spread his bedroll. "Night Xena."

  


*********

  


I closed the portal and clapped my hands in pure glee. Maybe this match would come off after all!

  


*********

  


Xena made certain the horses were secure then made a wide walk around the area of the camp. Satisfied that all was settled for the night, she returned to the camp and her own bedroll. She lay it some distance from the fire where it would be less readily noticed if someone came on them unexpectedly and pulled off her armor and boots in readiness for sleep. She sat there on the blankets gazing at the stars for a few minutes.

"Good night, Ares."

"Good night, Xena," the wind sighed softly.

  


*********

  



	4. End of the Beginning

The End of the Beginning   


*********

  


_His eyes glowed as he laughed softly and caught her to him. His whispered "I love you" in her ear sent shivers of pleasure racing through her. Her hand pressed against his chest to move him back slightly so that she could see into his face; see the truth radiating from his eyes - feel that truth coursing through her. Her lips parted to speak but his face changed before her eyes - it elongated and sharpened as his eyes narrowed and hardened. "And now Xena, to prove your love for me you must take the village in the next valley. Leave no one alive," he laughed cruelly…_

Xena sat up sharply, her mind ripped from the dream world into the realm of the real with a suddenness that left her disoriented for several moments.

The sun wasn't quite up yet but she could see it would be soon. She dressed and took her sword into a clearing she had found the day previous not far from camp. The dance against imagined opponents began slowly, warming her blood and stretching her limbs as she reached and skewered, turned imaginary blades and braced imaginary blows. Faster came the steps as she whirled and jabbed and parried with a grace far belying her mortal existence. She flipped up and over to kick out and land sure footed, a light sweat glistening her skin in the rising morning sun. She turned and slashed - her sword met another! Never missing a step, she swung the blade swift and sure for the opening that would disarm and disable her no longer imaginary foe. Minutes flashed on silvered wings as the dance became yet faster, more urgent and precise. Finally she focused on the face of her enemy to find Ares grinning broadly in the heated exercise. She took a final leap out of the range of his blade and stopped to lower her blade and breath deeply to slow the pounding of her heart.

"Ares," she laughed. "I should have guessed."

His smile was wide as he approached her; she was the best of the best and the workout had been most... invigorating.

"Good morning! Well played - there just isn't anyone like you, Xena."

For all that the god was being pleasant and cheerful, she remembered her dream and she took a step back as he got closer. A puzzled look crossed his face before he hid it behind the guise of a smile again, but she saw it none-the-less and felt mildly guilty.

Her breathing slowed and her chin lifted in an attitude of wariness. He took a step forward; her body visibly stiffened.

"Xena… what…?" 

Her chin raised a notch higher in a defiant gesture. "What are you doing here?"

"I just stopped in to see what you were doing and if the bard had recovered her sense of humor," he answered attempting to hide his concern for her reactions to him. His eyes narrowed. "Is there… something bothering you?" He cast quickly about in his mind for anything that he might have done.

"Xena! NO!" They both whirled at the ready only to find Gabrielle stomping angrily toward them. "What do you want, Ares?" she sneered as she got close. "I suppose you're trying to convince Xena that you love her again. Well she's not gonna buy it!" She stopped in front of Ares to glare up into his face. "She's not going to listen to you."

Now here's a puzzle, thought Xena in distant bemusement. She stepped up beside Ares. "What's this all about Gabrielle?"

"I know what you told me last night, but I just don't believe it. This is Ares after all and we both know what he's like."

"What did…" Ares began, but Xena silenced him with an impatient gesture.

Xena frowned at her friend. "I'm not sure you do know what he's like," she said quietly.

"Xena! After what he's done to you? After all we've…"

The warrior cut her off. "Enough Gabrielle. This is my decision to make."

"But Xena..."

Xena faced Ares. "I need to talk to her," she said. He nodded grimly. Just when he was gaining ground... He wondered what chance he would have after the bard talked to Xena.

"Later Xena." He disappeared in a flash of blue light.

Xena folded her arms, her mouth set in a grim line and her eyes glittered dangerously. "Now… what's this all about?" she spat. 

  


*********

  


"We'll just have to convince him to give you up!"

"Gabrielle, I…"

"No Xena! I heard what you said last night. I know you think he loves you; but he can't! He's the God of War, remember?"

"Gabrielle…"

"I know you have a hard time resisting him! I've seen you when he's around - it's like you can't help yourself; you're drawn to him. But he's bad for you. He really is."

"Gabrielle."

"He'll lead you back to your dark side! You don't want that, do you?"

"Gabrielle!!" Xena roared, "Stop! I don't want..."

Gabrielle stopped with her mouth still open to deliver another argument. She waited as the silence stretched into minutes.

"Gabrielle…" Xena sighed as she leaned over and placed her hands on Gabrielle's shoulders. "I know you think you are saving me from myself, but there's no saving to be done here. I will make my decision one way or another. I've lived through all of this and it's up to me whether I can live with him or not. He's wronged me - and I've wronged him."

"But I do know he loves me." She felt the telltale tingle of Ares' return but didn't release the bard.

"Xena. It's wrong. It's all wrong."

"Gabrielle. Wasn't it you that said that even the God of War could have a Chosen? Didn't you tell me that it was possible that the God of War could love?"

"Yes, but…"

"No buts! The God of War does have a Chosen, and he never had one before this one; that much of the story is true." She glanced over her shoulder by reflex as she felt Ares presence leave them. Why had he left?

"Never?"

"Think. Think about the story about the God of War. Start at the beginning. Doesn't it start 'Many millennia had passed with the gods choosing their hearts from among the mortals, yet the God of War never chose, thinking himself above that which even the lowest of other gods claimed to feel; For feeling had no place in the mayhem of war and battle and the warriors of the field were better off without it. Then came a day...'"

"'...that the god looked upon a mortal woman and found her fair. Dark was her hair and skin golden from the sun with eyes the color of the clear skies. A warrior of the field was she with fire shooting from her mouth with every command'," finished the bard in wide-eyed awe. "You! You're the one in the story!"

Crashing blue light disolved into the God of War. "Indeed she is the one from the story," he frowned ominously at Gabrielle. "And my Chosen still." His dark eyes shifted to Xena. "The only one I ever had in all my existence." 

Ares had come to me in a rush to find two more gods or goddess though he didn't say why; he just said to hurry and meet him at Xena's camp. I managed to round up Athena and Artemis, promising them favors if they would accompany me. Neither was overly pleased when we materialized behind Ares, but were curious enough to attend - as was I for that matter. Why Ares wanted three gods to attend him on a visit to Xena we couldn't begin to guess.

Ares turned to us with thunder in his brows. "I, Ares of Olympus, God of War, call on you, Athena, Goddess of Wisdom and Warfare; you, Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt; and you, Aphrodite, Goddess of Love, to bear witness in this time when I renew my vow to my Chosen, Xena of Amphipolis - to cherish her; to be ever on her guard; to answer when called upon; to teach and to arm in knowledge, strength, and weapons. Never shall I choose another while she lives. Do you bear witness as I attest?"

"I do," swore Artemis as she bent her knee and bowed her head before Ares. "I bear witness that on this day, Ares, God of War, does renew his vow to his Chosen."

"I do," I knelt and bowed my head in turn. "I bear witness that on this day, Ares, God of War, does renew his vow to his Chosen.

"As I do," Athena knelt beside me with her head bowed. "I too bear witness on this day that Ares, God of War, renews his vow to his Chosen."

"Behold the vow is renewed and witnessed!" Ares thundered as he turned back to the stunned Gabrielle and quietly watching Xena. He caught Xena's eyes with his own for a moment that stretched into eternity. "And will you, Xena of Amphipolis… will you renew your vow on this day?" he asked quietly. 

She stood there as though frozen in the snare of Ares' eyes; mesmerized as the snake by the charmer. Ares' head had begun to droop in disappointment when she suddenly strode forward and knelt at his feet beneath his astonished stare. Her voice came strong and true. "I, Xena of Amphipolis, do renew my vow as Chosen to Ares of Olympus, God of War. To love him, to fight for him and to do his bidding in all things he leaves to me. Never shall my faith falter or my loyalties roam. I call on you, Gabrielle, Bard of Potidaea; and you, Athena, Goddess of Wisdom and Warfare; and you, Aphrodite, Goddess of Love, to bear witness in this time. Do you bear witness as I attest?" 

Gabrielle stood silent in stunned disbelief. How dare Xena just up and renew her vow to the God of War? Did these last years mean nothing to her? Was she so under Ares' spell that she could see nothing? She stood her ground. "I, Gabrielle, Bard of Potidaea, do _not_ bear witness," she ground out between her teeth. 

Xena looked over at her, eyes bright with unshed tears. "I wanted to include you, Gabrielle. Does it have to be this way?" she asked softly. "I do this by my own choice."

Gabrielle hung her head and her shoulders slumped in defeat. After a moment she looked back at Xena, then knelt beside her and felt Xena's arm go across her shoulders in a light hug. "I, Gabrielle, Bard of Potidaea, do witness on this day that Xena of Amphipolis does renew her vow as Chosen to Ares of Olympus, God of War."

Athena and I made our witness also and thus the vows were renewed and the bond between god and Chosen was strengthened. I will never forget Ares as he reached down to grasp his princess by the shoulders and lift her to face him - his eyes shown of faith and love that I've never seen the like of before or since. And Xena… having found her heart to still be true, her face glowed with her commitment and the reflection of Ares love.

No one noticed the bemused faces of Artemis and Athena as they exchanged glances and disappeared in much awe of the realization that War could indeed love. No one noticed Joxer as he stood at the tree line with his heart full for his friend and with hope that, someday, perhaps Gabrielle would find solace in him the way that Xena seemed to find it in Ares and Ares in her. And as Ares' lips found Xena's, as their bodies clung together in the first full rich taste of love untainted by old angers, arguments, and battles, Gabrielle went unnoticed but by one as she walked slowly back to their campsite; she not noticing Joxer's forlorn eyes as they followed her every step —

I'm not sure I'm up to another project as trying as this one just now though.

  


*********

  



	5. The Aftermath

The End of the Beginning   


********  
**The Aftermath**  
********

The petite blond bard glared at the back ahead of her until the warrior turned with questioning eyes. Quickly Gabrielle averted her gaze to watch the plodding hooves of her mount on the packed dirt of the road. How could Xena have renewed her vow of Chosen to the God of War with no discussion and no thought of how it would affect their relationship? Resentment burned in her with a bright flame akin to betrayal. Betrayal - yes, she felt betrayed and used. How could Xena be so selfish as to toss these last years away as though they meant nothing? She glanced at Joxer riding beside her but he was half dozing in his saddle. How could he take all this so calmly? Part of her wanted to jerk him awake so that he fell from his saddle. She looked back at Xena only to see the raven-haired warrior stiffen and halt Argo. She nudged her horse closer to Joxer as he was roused by his horse stopping and poked him to get him alert. As Xena flipped from her saddle onto the road, the two dismounted and waded into the seven bandits that suddenly appeared around her.

Xena landed with sword drawn and the smallest smiles on her face. She enjoyed a good fight and right now she welcomed it as a release of the frustration she felt with Gabrielle's manner. She caught the eye of the foremost bandit and crossed swords with him for a moment before she disarmed him and kicked him back into the dust of the road. Three others leaped forward only to be met with a double kicked leap with the third taken out by the hilt of her sword being brought sharply down on his head. She turned to find Gabrielle facing one bandit after having knocked one unconscious and Joxer wounding one man who turned tail immediately. A flip of the sais and Gabrielle had disarmed and wounded another who fled.

Xena smiled at her companions but Gabrielle just ground her teeth and remounted her horse, ready to move on. Joxer cast a wan smile in return to Xena's receding one and shrugged his shoulders. There was nothing they could do but wait her out he seemed to be telling her. She turned and mounted Argo and set off at a gallop not caring if the others followed or not.

"How long are you going to punish her?" Joxer inquired quietly.

Gabrielle rounded on him with a snarl. "What do you mean? She's the one that betrayed me - me, our friendship, all the greater good lip service she gave! She's the one that gave herself to Ares."

Joxer swallowed heavily and bowed his head. He hated confrontations - especially with Gabrielle and most especially when she was riled. It took him several moments to work up his courage to speak again. "So because she has renewed her vow to Ares, she has betrayed you?"

"Betrayed _us_! She's betrayed us and everything we've worked for, Joxer! Don't you see that?"

Joxer studied the pommel of his saddle intently for a few moments. "No," he said softly. "No, I don't see that at all."

Soft as the words were, Gabrielle heard them. She turned flashing green eyes and compressed lips toward him as she halted her horse. "What do you see then?"

He met the angry green eyes with an effort. "I see Xena in pain because of the way you've been acting this last couple of weeks. I see you tossing and turning in your sleep. I see you attacking with silence or hard words at the slightest provocation. It's not like you and it's hard for me to watch, Gabrielle." He returned his gaze to his saddle.

"Maybe you should consider leaving," she jeered.

"Or maybe you should," he whispered. He touched his heels to the horse and galloped after Xena, leaving Gabrielle gaping at his back.

  


*******

  


She prodded the horse forward at a walk as she thought of Joxer's words. Did he see something she didn't? Had she let her anger take control of her? It had been two weeks since Xena had renewed her vow to Ares and yet still she rode with them. Why? And why wasn't Xena with Ares since they had confessed their love for each other? And Joxer… why was he still hanging around if he thought she was being so unfair? Tossing and turning at night? Her? Yet it was true that she hadn't felt rested in what seemed like forever and her dreams….

The questions were hard on her emotions and she wanted to push them aside and not think about them. "I'm running from myself," she thought suddenly with a heavy sigh. Sparkles of pink heralded an imminent visit from a certain god. "Great. Just what I need." she thought sullenly as she halted the horse.

"Hello Aphrodite."

  


*******

  


I had checked in from time to time to see how things were progressing with my favorite bard and chance happened that I heard this recent exchange. Joxer had a point - the blond wasn't sleeping well and she did seem to be dragging this out. Why she refused to talk to Xena about what happened was anyone's guess as she had never seemed shy about expressing her displeasure before this. It seemed strange that Xena wasn't off with Ares somewhere arguing about whether a war should be fought or not but Ares was in an almost jovial mood lately so there didn't seem to be a problem there. Xena remaining with Gabrielle must have something to do with Gabrielle herself. But then, Gabrielle was a problem lately and Xena didn't run from problems. If I had to guess, she was remaining with the bard so that they could talk about what happened but Gabrielle didn't seem to be giving the warrior babe much of a chance to explain things.

I chewed the tip of my fingernail in thought, slightly annoyed that all this was disrupting what should have been a most relaxing massage by a serious hunk, but sacrifices must be made at times. All in all I could see no help for it but to visit with the bard and see if I could get her to talk. From the way she was talking to Joxer, she seemed to need it after all. The massage finished, I gave my masseur a kiss that would keep his imagination occupied for quite awhile and hurried off to see Gabrielle.

  


*******

  


"Hello Gabrielle. Feel like talking?"

Gabrielle's features fought with a frown as she answered. "About?"

"Oh… You, Xena, Joxer… whatever."

This time the frown did come. "Nothing to talk about," she growled.

"Suit yourself," I replied lightly. "How do you put up with those smelly animals?"

"Smelly animals?" Gabrielle looked around in bewilderment. "Oh! The horse! Not all of us can just travel where we wish, Aphrodite." She chuckled a little.

"Well… I suppose it does beat walking." I replied thoughtfully. "But for my part, I'm certainly glad I don't have to travel on one of those. Totally ruin a good outfit and my hair would probably be a disaster afterward."

Gabrielle did chuckle this time. "Don't you ever think about anything but your appearance?" 

I raised an eyebrow as I goaded her gently. "You mean like you do?" I asked sweetly.

The laughter disappeared abruptly. "What do you mean?"

"I mean like all the thought you've given to everyone else this last couple of weeks."

"That's not fair!"

"Isn't it? As the Goddess of Love, my appearance is pretty important." I shrugged. "Who would listen to me if I appeared in ordinary clothes? People think that love should be beautiful all the time - the proverbial "rose colored glasses" and all that."

"Rose colored glasses?"

I rolled my eyes a little. "Never mind. People just think that love is always fresh and beautiful."

"It's still not fair. I'm not the one that allied myself with the enemy." Gabrielle huffed.

"Allied with the enemy?"

"Xena renewed her vow as Chosen to Ares. She betrayed me; I didn't betray her."

"So you're pouting because Xena has finally admitted that she loves Ares and you think that means she loves you less?"

"That's NOT what I said!"

"Isn't it?"

"No! When Xena allied herself with Ares, she turned her back on everything we've built over these last years. The good she's done, our friendship…"

"Did she?"

"Yes, she did."

I pretended to think about this for a moment. "How so?"

"Ares is War and destruction! He knows nothing of compassion or even friendship. He'll lead her back to the dark paths."

"So you don't trust Xena to keep her head? You don't think she's learned anything worth keeping in her time with you?"

"That's not what I said." Gabrielle's teeth ground together in frustration.

Once more I stopped in supposed thought and observed the bard's stiff posture. On closer inspection, I found the vaguest sagging in the shoulders that told me she was starting to doubt her own words - I pushed once more. "Where is she now?"

"Riding on up ahead," Gabrielle sighed.

"So she's still here wandering around Greece with you?"

"Yes." Gabrielle's eyes flew to my own in sudden question.

"Why?"

Gabrielle sighed heavily. This one thing didn't fit with her theories; didn't fit with what she wanted to believe. "I don't know." She stared down at her saddle.

"Have you asked her?"

Once more the bard sighed heavily. "No."

I smiled to myself and returned to my chambers on Olympus.

  


*******

  


When Gabrielle's head finally lifted, she found the Goddess of Love gone and the road empty. She prodded her horse forward with much food for thought.

  


*******

  


Xena heard the pounding hooves well before they came into view and guided Argo off the road into the cover of trees and undergrowth. When she saw the horse and rider, she prodded Argo forward and continued as he caught up with her. She heard the horse slow then drop to a walk just behind her shoulder. 

Joxer knew that the warrior princess knew that he was there and that she knew who it was but he said nothing, simply joining her in silence. After a while she turned toward him. "Where's Gabrielle?"

"She's coming," he said.

"You left her back there alone?" 

"She can take care of herself," he replied bitterly. Xena studied his eyes for a moment before nodding and facing forward again.

  


*******

  


_Fire - fire all around her! Homes burning; people running - shouting! Screaming! Dead - so many dead. She stumbled through the chaos half blind from the assault on her senses with her sais drawn knowing what caused this - her stomach roiling less from the scene around her than what she had to do. She heard the hooves behind her and whirled to face the demon responsible for this destruction just as the warrior landed in front of her with crazed eyes over a smug smile and drawn sword. The cramps ceased as the adrenaline flooded her though she couldn't keep the doubts from her eyes. She lunged and cursed herself - this opening gambit was exactly what Xena was waiting for. Now began not only the fight for these people, but the fight for her life…_

"Gabrielle! Gabby! Wake up!" Joxer's voice, shrill with fear, finally penetrated the depths of her consciousness as she sat bolt upright.

"Xena! By the Gods, Xena!" she moaned. Joxer's arms were around her, holding her close, rocking her gently. She buried her face in his shoulder with a muffled sob. His voice whispered reassuringly in her ear that it was just a dream - a nightmare; she was awake now and he was there - Xena was there - everything was fine.

Joxer looked up at Xena quietly standing over them. As the sobs subsided, his eyes sought hers in question. Her mouth tightened and she nodded. Joxer nodded in return as Xena knelt beside them. This had to be addressed whether this was the right time or not.

"I'm going to get some water now," he whispered in Gabrielle's ear. "I'll be right back." He rose and stepped back to look down at her. She nodded and he grabbed a pot and turned to leave them alone.

Xena put out her arms but the bard flinched away. The arms dropped and she silently waited for her to be calm enough to talk. Gabrielle covered her face with her hands as she tried to stifle the tears strangling her throat.

"Nightmare about me?" Xena asked quietly.

"You were… you were burning a village… killing people. I had… I had to… stop you." she choked out in a new rush of tears.

"Gabrielle…" Xena put out her arms again and Gabrielle let herself be drawn to Xena's shoulder as her hand stroked the blond tresses. "I think it's time we talked about this," she said gently. "You know I would never hurt you intentionally."

"You betrayed us for Ares! I keep dreaming of you - of having to stop you." She choked the words out as she tried in vain to halt the tears.

"I haven't betrayed anyone - especially not for Ares," Xena said softly. "So I'm Ares' Chosen - it doesn't make me less your friend or you less my partner. Have I done something that concerns you?"

"Not yet - but, Xena, I don't want you to turn into a monster!"

"And I'm not going to. I will have the occasion summons from Ares but otherwise we will travel as before. Don't you have faith in what you've taught me? Don't you have any faith in me?"

Gabrielle's sniffles got fewer between as she became calmer. "I thought you had forgotten - I thought that renewing your vow to Ares meant you were tossing all of that aside."

Xena held Gabrielle away from her to look into her eyes. "I love you, Gabrielle, and nothing will ever change that. You've taught me so much! I could never just desert you and what you've taught me. Ares' way isn't my way and he knows that - and we will have more than one argument in the future about it, I'm sure." The warrior smiled at the bard and after a moment she smiled back.

"Promise?"

"I promise. And if you see me getting out of line, you can smack me or something," Xena grinned.

"I promise!" grinned Gabrielle as she wiped the last of the tears from her face.

Xena sat back on her heels. "Joxer… Joxer! You can come back now!"

Joxer crashed through the undergrowth back into camp as Xena made the bard laugh with a rolling of her eyes at the noise.

"Are you okay, Gabby?" he panted as he dropped next to them, sloshing water on Gabrielle. "Oh! Let me get that!" he grabbed a cloth from the ground next to her and began trying to dab the spilled water causing more to slosh.

"Stop!" laughed Gabrielle as Xena sat back on the ground grinning. "I can get it Joxer!"

"Oh. Well," Joxer's turned red as he sat back on his heels and Gabrielle took the cloth from him and began drying herself off. "Uh… here's the water. Um… what's left of it," he looked down into the almost empty pot ruefully.

Xena got up, stretched, and looked toward the east where the sun was giving hints of rising soon. "Well - it's about time we were getting up anyway," she shrugged with a grin.

Gabrielle wrinkled her nose. "Morning already?" Xena and Joxer laughed heartily.

  


*******

  


"You're sure you're alright with this? No more questions? Anxieties?" Xena asked Gabrielle as they stood outside a temple of Ares. 

Gabrielle shook her head as she embraced her friend and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Go! Spend time with him. I'm fine."

"Joxer? You'll take good care of her?" Xena smiled at the suddenly awkward man shuffling his feet.

He looked warily at the bard, took a step away from her, and grinned. "If she'll let me."

Gabrielle's hands went to her hips as she huffed in mock anger. "What do you mean? 'If she'll let me.' How much taking care of do I need?"

Joxer threw his hands up in laughing self-defense. "You want me to tell _her_ no?"

Xena rolled her eyes and laughed at the two as she waved her hands as though to break them apart. "All right you two!"

Joxer stepped to his horse and mounted, waiting for Gabrielle to do the same. They were headed for a festival in Thebes where there would be a contest of bards that Gabrielle wanted to see.

One last hug and the women parted. Gabrielle mounted her horse and looked to Joxer. He nodded. "See ya, Xena!" he waved as he turned the horse to the road.

Xena stood on the steps and watched until they faded from view. She turned and looked over the temple for a moment, then walked inside.

  


*******

  


"Ares! Show yourself!" Xena said in exasperation. "You know I hate it when you do that."

Ares flickered into sight with a smile. "Thought I'd 'test the waters' so to speak before I showed my face," he grinned. "Wouldn't want the bard to beat me up or anything."

Xena rolled her eyes and shook her head at the god. "Did you want something?" she asked sweetly.

"Uh-oh. When you take that tone, I know to beware," he spread his hands wide and chuckled as he took a step back. 

Xena took a tight grip on the grin threatening her face at the god's playful attitude and raised an eyebrow. "You wanted something, oh God of War?"

"I just thought I'd stop in and see how the bard was doing and spend a little time with you. Anything wrong with that? Especially since you happen to be here and apparently looking for me?" he grinned.

She stepped close and slipped a hand behind his head. "Nothing at all," she said as her lips claimed his.

  


****FIN****

  
  


_**Thank you for reading my very first fiction effort.**_


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